Life Lessons

Meaning of vulnerability and understanding how it actually helps each one of us.

Why Vulnerability 

I have been trying to understand the meaning of vulnerability and how it impacts us for some time now and my quest led to the genesis of this blog. 

I remember the first time I had this feeling of uneasiness- just before I published one of my initial blogs. It was a poem called Some Broken Dreams Never Die. It was a simple poem about how not all dreams come true and some of them haunt us for a lifetime.  I was fretting when I clicked the publish button. I thought it would make me look weak, and defeated. But then, I published it anyway. 

A reader sent me a note after I published it, she said that it reminded her of all her broken dreams and she felt connected to those words. That note, and many such messages and comments on what I write, especially when I share a part of myself through my writing, changed my perspective of being vulnerable. I shall come to what I learned about vulnerability in a bit.  

My need to know more about vulnerability and its impact also has to do with the numerous character analysis discussions of Josef K that we had at home. My daughter’s class analyzed The Trial by Franz Kafka this year at school. K’s inauthenticity and his fear that he would be discovered if he let his guards down in society, taught me so much. Though Kafka was talking about a society in the early twentieth century, a lot of things remain unchanged even today.

Journey from Why to Why Not

People’s inauthenticity and hypocrisy, which they proudly wear on their sleeves, is unfortunately preferred over authenticity and vulnerability, in a large part of today’s society. It also has to do with the type of culture, and environment that one is raised in. One where we are always told to put up a tough exterior even one it hurts inside. One where boys and girls are told to man up, and man up implying just the opposite of being vulnerable.

Now, when I asked some friends and family to tell me the first thought that came to their mind when they heard the term “vulnerability”, these were some of the common answers:
Someone hurting
Showing the soft spot 
Vulnerable to covid19 
Children
Can be easily hurt or taken advantage of 
Weakness 
Unwell 
Don’t like it

The Meaning Of Vulnerability

The meaning of the word vulnerability is “to be exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed”. It is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Hence, the negative connotation to the term vulnerability, I guess. 

The purpose of this blog however is to bring awareness ( for those who have not yet discovered it) to the beauty, power, and importance of vulnerability. I am no expert on this subject and so I turn to experts and people who have done tons of research on this topic, for data. 

The Ted Talk by Brene Brown is on top pf the list when you search for vulnerability on the internet. Brene has spent twenty years studying vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. She has five bestselling books and her Ted Talk is one of the most-watched in the world. That does talk a lot about the gaining popularity and people’s curiosity about vulnerability, doesn’t it!   

In Brene’s words:
vulnerability is the courage to show up when you cannot control the outcome.
Vulnerability is being brave. It is to let others see you.
It is at the center of shame, scarcity, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty; but it is also at the center of joy, love, and belonging.
Vulnerability at the workplace gives birth to empathy, trust, innovation, creativity, equity, hard conversations, feedback, problem-solving, and ethical decision-making. 

I would highly recommend watching her Ted talks, interviews, and Netflix Special called Brene Brown: The Call To Courage. That is if you haven’t already watched it.  

Vulnerability is NOT

Vulnerability is not about complete boundary-less disclosure. It is not about sharing every little feeling or emotion that we have. It is not about shedding tears in public or washing dirty linen in public. When it turns ugly and the purpose of sharing shifts to a cheap publicity stunt, we as the audience know it. 

I personally feel that hypocrisy is the opposite of vulnerability.

How Vulnerability Helps Us 

Vulnerability is telling your narrative in a way that is true to yourself. It is so important because, in order for me to tell my true narrative, I have to understand and accept who I am. 

It is about engaging in a conversation even if you are not comfortable because the conversation is more important than my comfort. Choosing courage over comfort. 

Putting oneself out there, sharing one’s experiences, mistakes, learnings, etc takes a lot of courage. It is not weakness, it is a sign of immense strength. 

Our deepest and intimate connections happen from a place of vulnerability. It does not happen when we have drawn our guards up with pretentious behaviors. Also, an important ingredient in a relationship. It is not a soft spot for people to attack you and take advantage of you. 

We can either numb ourselves from our feelings, or acknowledge it even if it is uncomfortable, and tackle it. Acknowledging it definitely gives us better control and understanding of it.

We do not give away the power by being vulnerable. In fact, we take control of our own narratives when we choose to talk about them. 

Vulnerability in true terms influences the audience and makes connections with them. 

What I learned by being vulnerable in my writings

• People connect to my vulnerability through their vulnerability.
• More than judging me for what I say or write, the reader is trying to find an answer to their own questions. 
• Each person’s experiences and vulnerabilities make their stories and narratives different from others’.
• The meaning of vulnerability is not over-sharing. It is sharing the right amount in order to hook the audience and encourage them to share their stories. 

I will end this blog with a quote from Brene – Vulnerability Is The Bridge To Connection. 

Image by Klaus Hausmann from Pixabay