LIstening is a skill. Listening to others and listening to oneself are two equally important aspects of listening. I have written earlier about the internal conversations that keep happening within us. The constant chatter within, which can sometimes encourage and motivate us, and at other times, can bring about a very negative chain of thoughts.  (You can read that article here ) 

Being aware of the conversation is important. Equally important is to take action or curate and work on that conversation. 

Recently when I was in an unhappy  situation, I took a deep breath and listened to that internal conversation. I realized that I was hearing much more than what was being told. When a person asked me to do a task and insisted on me doing it in his presence, I got annoyed. I heard things like “Do it right now because I don’t trust you”. “I know you will forget about it the moment I move away.” “ I want to see if you can do it.” “ What if you decide not to do it.”

What was said and what I heard were almost two exclusive set of statements. 

The internal conversations I had after that were all based on what I heard and not based on what was said.

I could have just told myself, since it is an important task, it is better I completed it in his presence . He could even help me finish it faster and better. It was only about finishing a task and nothing else. It did not say anything about the kind of person I am or I would become . 

Or even better, I did not have to have any of these internal conversations. I could have just finished the task. 🙂 

It is amusingly annoying to see how we make everything about us. Once we do that, everything becomes just about defending our stand and proving it.

Recently when someone commented about the weather in the place I live, I started defending the kind of weather we have . Oh my god! That is when I realized how I had made everything about me. 

When a person does not do what I ask him/her to do, I hear it as “He/she disobeyed me” or “I am being disrespected.” The only truth here is that, he/she did not do the task. I shift the focus completely from the task to ME. I hurt with that thought. I let relationships be affected with that thought. I sulk and brood with that thought. 

What is a solution for this situation? 

Detachment is what the scriptures say, but, since we associate the word detachment to enlightenment and realization, which scares most of us, I have started using the following statements to help me:

I am hearing much more than what is said. 

I am hearing through my own filters. 

It is not about ME, it is about the task.

In short, it is my ego that is operating and hurting me. 

Working on oneself is the journey of life and I know,  it is something that is easier said than done. But, we have to make a start somewhere and why not in day to day activities that affect us the most and that are easier to be identified. 

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